Super Water Warrior
Who needs a toddler when you have a Spouse who will provide mess, crankiness, cute moments, and hours of entertainment, AND has the added benefit of being able to get in the car and pick up the dry cleaning if you’re too tired? Today the Spouse and I were in the grocery store shopping for necessities. While I looked for alfalfa sprouts and over-priced organic yogurt (good health is reserved for the rich…the rest of the masses have to eat sugary Yoplait) he came bounding across the linoleum carrying none other than the nefarious SuperSoaker 30 of childhood ambushes and summer camp games.
We need this, he said, it would be very useful for our home…our 690 square foot home. I’m still a newlywed so I acquiesced, knowing in the back of my mind that after a year or two I would look back and wonder what I was thinking.
The Spouse proudly carried his prize around the grocery store and into the car, and when we arrived home he tore into the brightly colored packaging, impatiently trying to unwind all the twisty ties. Once liberated from its bindings, he hastily filled the squirt gun with water, pumped, primed, and then whisked outside where he proceeded to squirt the entire exterior of our condo balcony. Every spider living on my potted geraniums was dispatched of with ruthless precision. Ladybugs and beetles could not withstand the wrath of the squirt gun. Every plant was watered with cold acuracy.
Victorious, he returned; socks dripping, hair flying, baby-blue eyes flashing. He stalked into the bathroom and subsequently soaked the shower stall. He was helping me clean, he told me. It’s better than having a hose because you can take it inside.
Right now he is hunched over his laptop, writing code, with his glasses reflecting the sunlight so I can’t see his expression. I think he might know I am writing about him. He’s probably checking my blog from his location at the dining room table, and thinking he is pretty smart for preempting me. Little does he know…
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